My new diet is to exclusively eat Gaultier models.
Just shat the most colourful cheekbone.
I never really post Tumblr stuff anymore, but I had a sudden urge.
I am an insomniac, I average five hours sleep a week,
Aged 4-14 I had severe night terrors that made me critically afraid of sleeping, so i’ve never slept that much.
About two weeks ago I started having a recurring nightmare where i’m walking in a flat hot expanse of white corrosive powder that makes me cough blood and bleeds my bare feet.
Ocassionially I come across shit, last night it was a fox choking to death on it’s side.
I’ve never slept this little, and everything looks like Hi-8 film.
Obvious solution, write a motherfucking surrealist novel about it. Fuck yeah using my burgeoning insaity for profit.
I wish there was something I could smoke that had caffeine, nicotine and serotonin.
Anonymous asked: What is so good about your female friend?
Well I got a good few of those, you’ll have to narrow it down there a little lover.
So I naked-proposed today.
The current theory on toes is that they are now-useless leftovers from a time we needed them for balance.
Bullshit, obviously they are for turning the taps off in the bath.
Just sunk in that I retrace my steps in Skyrim by following the path of naked corpses.
I have never questioned this.
I am a sick little puppy.
Maybe I should apply this to real life.
I like to call mastication “Food horny”, because looking at fruit makes my mouth wet.
I’m allowed to be a feminist because my soul has a vagina.
secretlemonskins said: my christmas- Drench yourself in absinthe and whiskey, make sure at least a quarter of it is swallowed. listen to heavy metal, while planning to go shopping and get pissed with people by the way free booze- get over here soon. <3
I am not sure how to reply to replies so LOOK I FIXED IT. I just fired a firework at my neighbors chimney. I utterly refuse to go to prison over this. I AM GOING TO LAVISH YOU IN TURKEY SEMEN BOY YOU AIN’T NEVER BEEN IN A WHIRLWIND LIKE THIS.
Secret to a successful Christmas, a home cooking session with Tim.
1. Put brandy in everything.
2. I said everything, pussy, that turkey is officially classed as liquor now.
3. Get pissed
4. Get angry-pissed
5.Let off fireworks at your neighbours
6.CHRISTMAS MAGIC
MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU FANTASTIC LITTLE DARLINGS, GO BURN SOMETHING.
domnocular asked: Presents are like penises. The softer they are, the harder to wrap they are.
Penises are like presents. Tearing one open can leave you disappointed.
Rule 65:
If the cop has to ask “Have you been drinking?”, you clearly haven’t drunk enough.
Who knew!?
So apparently “this one time I drank a placenta” isn’t a knockout winner of a pick-up line.
Well fuck, what more do you want?
Dreams are like free mushrooms! Every night! With more sex with Florence Welch!
So after the glorious threesome with The Black Keys me, Churchy, Lennon, and Gandhi sat down in the study and smoked an ounce. Then the fuckerwhacken woke me up and asked me if i’d left my room yet. and told me to stop putting my celebrity sex dreams on my CV.
