Inebriated Evangelist

My new diet is to exclusively eat Gaultier models. Just shat the most colourful cheekbone.

Sun, 17 Jun 2012 14:05:52 +0100

My new diet is to exclusively eat Gaultier models.

Just shat the most colourful cheekbone.

I never really post Tumblr stuff anymore, but I had a sudden urge. I am an insomniac, I average five...

Fri, 09 Mar 2012 11:12:55 +0000

I never really post Tumblr stuff anymore, but I had a sudden urge.

I am an insomniac, I average five hours sleep a week,

Aged 4-14 I had severe night terrors that made me critically afraid of sleeping, so i’ve never slept that much.

About two weeks ago I started having a recurring nightmare where i’m walking in a flat hot expanse of white corrosive powder that makes me cough blood and bleeds my bare feet.

Ocassionially I come across shit, last night it was a fox choking to death on it’s side.

I’ve never slept this little, and everything looks like Hi-8 film.

Obvious solution, write a motherfucking surrealist novel about it. Fuck yeah using my burgeoning insaity for profit.

I wish there was something I could smoke that had caffeine, nicotine and serotonin.

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 10:14:01 +0000

I wish there was something I could smoke that had caffeine, nicotine and serotonin.

picture of you?

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 21:00:00 +0000

What is so good about your female friend?

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 20:50:05 +0000

Well I got a good few of those, you’ll have to narrow it down there a little lover.

So I naked-proposed today.

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 19:46:35 +0000

So I naked-proposed today.

The current theory on toes is that they are now-useless leftovers from a time we needed them for...

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 21:50:19 +0000

The current theory on toes is that they are now-useless leftovers from a time we needed them for balance.

Bullshit, obviously they are for turning the taps off in the bath.

Just sunk in that I retrace my steps in Skyrim by following the path of naked corpses. I have never...

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 14:21:04 +0000

Just sunk in that I retrace my steps in Skyrim by following the path of naked corpses.

I have never questioned this.

I am a sick little puppy.

Maybe I should apply this to real life.

I like to call mastication “Food horny”, because looking at fruit makes my mouth...

Tue, 27 Dec 2011 01:18:49 +0000

I like to call mastication “Food horny”, because looking at fruit makes my mouth wet.

I’m allowed to be a feminist because my soul has a vagina.

secretlemonskins said: ...

Sun, 25 Dec 2011 21:45:54 +0000

secretlemonskins said: my christmas- Drench yourself in absinthe and whiskey, make sure at least a quarter of it is swallowed. listen to heavy metal, while planning to go shopping and get pissed with people by the way free booze- get over here soon. <3

I am not sure how to reply to replies so LOOK I FIXED IT. I just fired a firework at my neighbors chimney. I utterly refuse to go to prison over this. I AM GOING TO LAVISH YOU IN TURKEY SEMEN BOY YOU AIN’T NEVER BEEN IN A WHIRLWIND LIKE THIS.

Secret to a successful Christmas, a home cooking session with Tim.

Sun, 25 Dec 2011 21:29:33 +0000

1. Put brandy in everything.

2. I said everything, pussy, that turkey is officially classed as liquor now.

3. Get pissed

4. Get angry-pissed

5.Let off fireworks at your neighbours

6.CHRISTMAS MAGIC

MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU FANTASTIC LITTLE DARLINGS, GO BURN SOMETHING.

Presents are like penises. The softer they are, the harder to wrap they are.

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 14:11:37 +0000

Penises are like presents. Tearing one open can leave you disappointed.

Rule 65:

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 01:17:59 +0000

If the cop has to ask “Have you been drinking?”, you clearly haven’t drunk enough.

Who knew!?

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 01:16:55 +0000

So apparently “this one time I drank a placenta” isn’t a knockout winner of a pick-up line.

Well fuck, what more do you want?

Dreams are like free mushrooms! Every night! With more sex with Florence Welch!

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 01:02:35 +0000

So after the glorious threesome with The Black Keys me, Churchy, Lennon, and Gandhi sat down in the study and smoked an ounce. Then the fuckerwhacken woke me up and asked me if i’d left my room yet. and told me to stop putting my celebrity sex dreams on my CV.

Rule 57:

Thu, 22 Dec 2011 00:36:03 +0000

Never go for a night out in clothes you can’t run in.

So I finally reached the terminus of Lolita. Lolita has been a distinctly unsettling journey, mostly...

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 23:24:52 +0000

So I finally reached the terminus of Lolita.

Lolita has been a distinctly unsettling journey, mostly because of my own obsession with it. From the initial lyricism of lo-lee-ta (Light of my life, Fire of my loins) to the end mental-limbo of Humbert H., post the “orgasm” of his much fussed Chum. Nabokov is either one of the greatest of literati genius or mentally unhinged, neither necessarily being a negative.

I’m not advocating bestiality but have anyone else watched a bunch of slippery creatures roll...

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 21:49:20 +0000

I’m not advocating bestiality but have anyone else watched a bunch of slippery creatures roll around in the slime and thought “I fancy a tickle o’ that”?

Yeah, you should probably stop watching Jersey Shore and talking like the illegitimate wartime lovebaby of a Irish pervert and a Yorkshire baker.

I just moaned at my girlfriend about her obsession with Katy Perry then realized I would fuck...

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 21:42:40 +0000

I just moaned at my girlfriend about her obsession with Katy Perry then realized I would fuck Florence Welch like a goddamn herd of horny badgers even if she had a cock and belly hair. You don’t even want to hear what i’d suck with a straw out of Jason Albarn’s joycave.

YOU KEEP LOVING THE PERRY DARLING.

Anti venom is derived from snakes which are farmed for the purpose. There are no effective...

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 19:04:11 +0000

Anti venom is derived from snakes which are farmed for the purpose. There are no effective synthesized anti venoms.

So if you want to kill a vegan?

Snakes.